A Lady's Prerogative Read online

  “And the mud you would be dragged through as my wife. I won’t have it.”

  Natalie took a deep breath. A part of her wanted to weep and beg, but she would not give into it. Another part was trying to remind her of something. There was something…

  “Perhaps it would be I who would be dragging you through the mud,” she suggested calmly.

  “It would not.”

  Ah, so he would not be moved. He had been badgered by both her oldest brother and her father and refused to yield his position. Admirable, really, in any other situation.

  “Only in the direst of circumstances?” she confirmed.

  He nodded.

  “You give me your word? You will not hide from me if my reputation cannot be repaired? You will not change your mind if the ton cannot forgive me this time?”

  “You have my word.”

  This was the Garrett who had refused to allow her to compromise herself with him. The one who had halted her passion when she’d abandoned all sense of propriety. She loved him all the more for it, and yet she would strangle him for his stubbornness. Again, he would not look directly at her.

  “And this is open-ended? Is there a timeline attached to your promise?”

  He did not answer right away. And then finally, “No. Well, within reason, I suppose.”

  “A year? Two?” She paused, goading him. “Ten?”

  His demeanor remained stoic and impersonal. “Two seems reasonable enough, if that is acceptable to you?”

  She memorized his features. He must become a memory to her then? Was she to live her life with heartbreak? Lost to her one true love? Surely there must be some way…

  And then she could not help herself. “Please don’t do this, Garrett. I do not mind about the children.”

  Ah, so she would allow this pathetic part of herself to have a voice. “I…would find other ways to have a meaningful life. I…care so much for you. You must know that?” Oh, what an utter fool she was! She might as well declare her undying love for him. And then he could pat her on the head and tell her to be a good girl and go find another beau…Her confidence in his affections flagged. Perhaps he saw her as a child.

  In a rush of motion, Garrett covered the steps between the two of them and pulled her into his arms. For a full minute, he didn’t say a word. His breathing sounded harsh, and he held her tightly, so tight that it almost hurt.

  Finally, his embrace slackened, and he pulled back to look at her. “You are so very precious to me,” he rasped. “But you are also so…damn naïve!” Releasing her shoulders, he grasped her hands in his. “You have your entire life ahead of you. A life as a wife, a life as a mother, and then a grandmother.” Raising her hands to his lips, he implored her with the intensity of his gaze. “Allow me to do this for you. I could not live with myself if I ensnared you in my world. I won’t do it.”

  She searched his eyes. So black. When she’d first known him, she’d seen them as dangerous, practically evil. She knew better now. Warm, dark and sensual, they aroused all the emotions she’d lacked in her engagement. She sat back. There was time. She had all the time in the world. She would think of something. She would find a way to convince him of his right to happiness, and she would lay claim to it for both of them.

  She just wished she knew how.

  “You will kiss me?”

  Garrett groaned. But then dropped her hands and placed his hands on the sides of her face.

  Although he held her tenderly, his mouth demanded everything. His lips urged hers apart and swept beyond all inhibitions. Natalie took hold of his wrists for balance. Despite her weak condition, she found the strength to push into him and demand this connection with equal urgency. He tasted, oh, he tasted of Garrett. Hot, spicy, familiar. Garrett’s hands gripped her tighter.

  The other times he’d kissed her, he’d kept a part of himself under tight rein. This kiss was different. It conveyed desperation, imparting both love and agony. He kissed her as though it would be their last. It could not. It would not! She would fight for him, for them, if only she knew how.

  She whimpered when he drew away and pulled a mask of distance back over his features. “I will not bother you alone again.” He meant this to be their goodbye.

  ****

  Upon completing his examination of Natalie, the doctor announced she was as well as she might ever be. Her parents could safely travel with her back to Raven’s Park. He told her she might never regain her full memory of the accident and then advised her against any rigorous physical or mental activity. Natalie wondered what he meant by rigorous mental activity.

  For she was frantically trying to concoct a scheme to bring Garrett around to her way of thinking. Thus far, however, her rigorous mental activity had been lamentably unproductive.

  She was going to have to return to Raven’s Park without extracting his passionate declaration of love—without hearing the romantic proposal she desired.

  It was time to retreat. She must devise a new strategy. What that would be, she still did not know. She clung to his promise of marriage (as a last option) for the tenuous connection it provided.

  And so, with a melancholy heart, she allowed him to escort her to her father’s carriage the next morning. Out of bed for the first time in a week, she dressed in a pale rose cotton gown. She knew it flattered her complexion and enhanced the color of her eyes. It was important that she leave Garrett with a flattering image of herself. When he remembered her, when he conjured her in his imagination, she would have him forget the image of her lying in bed with her hair sticking everywhere.

  She wanted to laugh but nearly choked on a sob instead.

  As he assisted her up the step, she glanced down at his dear, familiar hand. The hand that had soothed her and touched her intimately. Her gaze moved to his, and she was encouraged to see his emotions revealed again. They were intense. They practically devoured her.

  “Thank you again, my lord, for your hospitality. I am sorry for giving you such a fright with my arrival.” Her mother sat behind her on the bench, facing front.

  Garrett released her as she found her seat beside Mama. He leaned into the cabin of the carriage to speak. “I am grateful you are recovering. And I am again so very sorry for my part in all of this…Please, if it occurs to you, I would be obliged if you would send me word when you have recovered your memory.” His words were formal, but his eyes shown with love.

  “And the other matter, my lord,” she added. “I will contact you regarding it as well.”

  Her words had the immediate effect of extinguishing all ardor from his eyes. With a shudder, it was quickly replaced with that grim determination he’d embraced ever since making his non-proposal to her. Could she be wrong about his feelings? This was not the last memory she wished to take with her. Nor for her to leave with him.

  “Of course,” he said. And then he backed out of the coach so that the maid could climb in.

  Sissy Girard had accepted the position as Natalie’s new lady’s maid and was handed into the carriage lastly. Natalie’s father and Darlington would ride outside on their mounts. After Sissy took her seat facing backward, Garrett pounded on the side of the carriage, and the driver signaled the horses to move out.

  Natalie could not help herself but to peer out her window and watch Garrett as they drove off. He did not smile but lifted one hand in a slight wave. Natalie raised her fingers to the window and gave him a sad smile. She watched his lean figure disappear as they drove off the fire-ravaged estate. And then she could contain her tears no longer.

  Her mama wrapped her arms around her soothingly. “There, there, my love. All will be well. We shall make a grand plan, and you needn’t be reminded of this episode again.”

  With these words, Natalie’s sobs grew louder. “But, Mama, I lo-o-ove him,” she wailed.

  Lady Ravensdale’s hand, which was rubbing her daughter’s back, stilled at Natalie’s declaration. “Oh, well,” she said softly, “why, that changes everything.” She pul
led out a handkerchief and handed it to her daughter. “And his feelings? What do you suspect of his feelings for you?”

  Natalie sat back in the plush leather. The carriage bounced despite being well sprung. How on earth had she slept through an entire journey in a trunk, for heaven’s sake? She was thankful indeed, that she had slept. Being conscious while trapped would have been unendurable! “I believe he loves me. I think he is being selfless. He keeps nattering on about my reputation and society and…children.” Could she discuss this with her mother?

  “And he believes these obstacles are insurmountable?” her mother asked calmly.

  “Oh, Mama, he is adamant about it. But I disagree.” She dabbed at a few fresh tears, which were threatening to fall. “And I would forgo children if necessary. What matters is that I am with him. Do you understand?” Of course her mother would not understand.

  “Of course, I do, my darling.” Her mother surprised her.

  Both women sat without speaking for a moment.

  And then Sissy’s voice pierced the quiet. “He’s a good man, if you don’t mind my saying so, Lady Natalie, my lady,” she ventured shyly. “It’d be worth it if you could think up some scheme to bring him ’round.”

  Her mama’s eyes took on a gleam. “I’ve an idea, Natalie, but I don’t wish to discuss it until you are fully recovered. When the time comes, we shall enlist the aid of Eleanor and perhaps a few of my other acquaintances. But these things take time.” She patted Natalie’s knee comfortingly. “Try to rest for now. That is our first order of business. You must recover your health completely. We’ll address your…situation with Lord Hawthorne later.”

  Natalie wanted to question her mother but knew it was best to do as she said. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes. Let this journey not go on forever. She longed for the comfort of her own room, her own bed. She longed to feel like her old self again, although she thought perhaps her old self no longer existed.

  By the time they turned into the drive to her father’s manor, the sky had turned dark and several stars twinkled from above. This was her home, and yet, it felt so very different. After the footman pulled out the step and handed her down, Natalie looked around her childhood home with new eyes. The restless energy she’d experienced earlier in the summer was replaced with a steely determination. She was not so naïve as to believe she would get everything she wanted, but she would put forth her best effort. She would do her utmost to change Garrett’s mind.

  And if that did not work, then, well, she would go on. But she would go on knowing that she’d done all in her power to at least try. She would have no regrets.

  Mrs. Winston greeted Sissy with more than a little suspicion and then led the young girl upstairs. Natalie found herself caught behind in the foyer, gruffly embraced by Peter and then Stone. They were not to lecture her tonight then. Thank God for that. She’d had enough from Darlington in the past week to account for them all.

  Mr. Winston informed them all the guests had departed except for Lady Sheffield. Mrs. Tinsdale, holding Baby Bear in her arms, stepped forward so Natalie could greet the pup properly. Only after receiving puppy-breath licks for a full two minutes could Natalie hand off her gloves and bonnet. Cooler temperatures had set in with the darkness, but the day had been warm. Natalie expressed her desire for a nice warm bath, and Tinsdale assured her the water was already heating.

  Ah, sweet, familiar Tinsdale. Natalie and her mother would have to speak to her about relinquishing her position to Sissy. She must be assured she was still needed in the household. After all, who would care for Baby Bear?

  And so, she was home again. Once again in the bosom of her beloved family. What had Garrett said about them that night in his room? You have a father and a mother who would do anything to ensure your happiness. They love you deeply. Good God, they smile at you.

  And she loved them deeply, too. She did.

  Turning to her father, she impulsively hugged him. “I am sorry, Papa, for scaring you so. Thank you for coming to Maple Hall with Mama to be with me.” Her voice sounded muffled as she pressed her face into the comfort of her father’s chest. He would do anything for my happiness. She was so very lucky.

  Strong arms embraced her. “That’s what papas are for, little one.” His voice sounded garbled. “Now you be off to bed. It’s been a long day, and you are not to be overtired. Tomorrow, you will rest some more. And after that—” He set her away from him. “Well, after that we begin to solve some problems.” He tipped at her chin with one finger, forcing her to look at him. “I don’t want you worrying. That is a direct order.”

  She smiled tremulously. “Yes, Papa.” She wished she could do as he said. She was tired, yes, but how could she rest? How did one keep herself from worrying?

  “Come along, my lady.” Tinsdale beckoned to her. “Supper is being brought up to your room, and then a bath and bed. Things will look brighter in the morning.”

  “Thank you, Tinny.” She cradled Baby Bear once again. Being home felt more than a little comforting, after all.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Garrett stood outside for several minutes after Ravensdale’s entourage disappeared. Watching the coach grow smaller, he mused that doing the right thing was not gratifying in the least. She’d looked ravishing this morning. He’d wanted to pull her from the carriage and announce their betrothal after all. It required all his resolve not to do so.

  So very poised at times, had she experienced the same tumult as he? Or was her love already cooling? An impractical impulse within him hoped not, but the practical side knew this would be best. For if she still considered herself in love with him, then perhaps this was not finished at all. For Lady Natalie Spencer, with a notion in her head, could be like a dog with a bone. It would be unlike her to concede so easily.

  A smile tipped up the sides of his mouth. Although delicate and genteel, she possessed the tenacity of her father. Hell, she was the perfect woman for him.

  He hoped her family would pounce upon a quick resolution to right her social situation. Struggling to be free of her went against the urges of his heart…and other urges. He’d nearly changed his mind about everything this morning. She was just so…damn it, if he allowed his mind to continue in this vein, he’d be saddling Rumble and chasing her to ground within the hour.

  Garrett pivoted on his heel and returned to the house. He’d just received some drawings from an architect he’d met with before leaving London. Best look them over now. He needed to move forward. And if Natalie continued to be a thorn in his side, then so be it. He would deal with that problem when the time came. If the time came. Best for all if the earl sent her off to America. He swallowed hard at the thought.

  ****

  Natalie spent the next couple days in a solitary mood, her inability to remember why she had climbed into the trunk clawing at her. For she did remember doing just that. But why? What on God’s earth had compelled her to embark on such a foolish errand?

  At first, she rested.

  And when she’d had enough of that, she prowled.

  She retraced the walks she’d taken with Garrett, the wilderness path around the lake, the forest where Baby Bear liked to go, and the meadow where they’d been together that last afternoon. She even rowed herself around the lake a few times. She did not jump into the water. Much like a fatal disease, Garrett had taken hold of her. She lurked about the estate just as he lurked within her thoughts.

  She told her parents she was not willing to travel to the Continent nor America. They discussed forgoing the Little Season in London that fall, but her father retained obligations in Parliament and felt he had little choice in the matter. He did not relish the thought of leaving his wife and daughter in the country without him for several weeks. Many thought it fashionable to spend time apart from one’s spouse, but in this matter, he chose to forgo fashion. He would have his wife with him, if possible. And leaving Natalie alone was not an option.

  If they were to leave, it wo
uld be in a few short weeks, as the entertainments were to begin in early September.

  But would Natalie be shunned? Had she pushed too hard against the rules of society? There was as yet, no solution to her problem. So very un-Spencerish to ignore the situation, but her parents still had concerns for her health. Nobody wanted to cause her undue stress. Even her mother avoided the subject of the Earl of Hawthorne.

  Nearly a fortnight after her return, late in the afternoon, Natalie found herself wandering around the manor on the third floor. She’d done much of this as of late, wandering, like an aimless ghost. She’d lost both her appetite and her ability to laugh, or so it seemed. Upon reaching the end of the corridor, she realized she’d arrived at the threshold to the room where she, Garrett, and Aunt Eleanor had unveiled his mother’s paintings. She pushed the door open and entered the room. It smelled of lemon oil, having been recently dusted and cleaned. The sheets had been replaced on the chair, and an emptiness met her where the crates once sat. Natalie relaxed into one of the covered chairs and took a few deep breaths. Closing her eyes, she remembered that day.

  She remembered the vivid colors of the paintings and Garrett’s reaction to seeing his mother’s work. He had been moved emotionally, she was certain of it. She also remembered Aunt Eleanor recalling the sad time when her brother had been killed. And the scandalous portraits of him.

  The portraits!

  The dimple!

  She sprung to her feet.

  Garrett’s dimple had been drawn on the face of…what was his name?…Arthur. Yes! She’d climbed into the trunk to look at the portraits again! She’d needed to discover if she had merely imagined it.

  And she had not! When she’d climbed into the trunk, she’d verified that Lady Sheffield’s brother and Garrett Castleton shared a dimple in precisely the exact corner of each of their respective mouths. Could it be a coincidence? It could not. It was too uncanny.